“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”
Shakespeare really hit it the nail on the head with that quote.
I know many people who were born with one name but have changed it over the course of their lifetime. I know people who were called “he” or “she” who changed it.
And yet in this day and age, people still have an issue with it.
Growing up, I’ve always had a particularly “Muslim” sounding last name. There’s a reason why. In my country, you get special ‘rights’ for being Muslim. My dad converted to marry my mother, but also changed his name officially so that my family may enjoy those extra ‘rights’.
If we were from a different country, my name would follow my father’s surname. I would’ve had a Chinese surname. Instead, my ‘last name’ is now just ‘Daughter Of [Insert Dad’s Name]’.
However, growing up, I disliked my official last name. It was hard to pronounce and people often related it to my family being Muslim, which some of them are but we’re all kind of mixed when it comes to our belief systems. Now, if we’re all pious Muslims, it wouldn’t be a problem. But the females in my family did not wear the hijab or any from of veils. We were all drinkers. My mother is the only one in the family that doesn’t eat pork. We weren’t all that Muslim. And it was tough for me growing up being closer to my dad’s side of the family whilst my mom’s more religious side shunned me. I was culturally more Chinese. So I grew up using my dad’s last name but used my official last name only for official documents.
My sister would tease and insult me, trying to goad me into admitting that I was ashamed of my other half self.
Truth was… I wasn’t very ashamed. I just didn’t like the presumptions attached to my official last name.
When I was using my Chinese name, no one questioned my drinking, or coloured hair, or tattoos (later on in life). But if I were to use my official name, I’d be seen as ‘rebellious’ or ‘that kind of Muslim girl’, opening up a slew of lecturing from old religious people that have no right sticking their nose in my business.
I identify better with my Chinese surname. It’s not because I’m ashamed of it, or because I dislike it. In fact, I gain more benefits with my official last name, which my family and even boss take advantage of.
But it just wasn’t me.
So…
What’s in a name?
Why are people okay when people have stage names or nicknames? But not okay when people change their name just because it doesn’t fit who they are? Or the gender they were born in?
People get outraged when they have to call someone by their prefered pronoun. But my beef is… what’s so hard?
Why make a face or get outraged when ‘Susanne’ now wants others to call him ‘Shaun’? But you’re okay with calling ‘Belcalis Marlenis Almánzar’ Cardi B.
Especially where I’m from, people get so easily outraged when someone says “oh I’m a he, not a she”. Why is it so difficult to just change something so small?
And then the slippery slope fallacy comes in.
“Oh if we start calling them that, then what next? If they identify as monkeys, we should start accepting them as monkeys?!”
It’s fascinating to see people unable to argue one simple point and bringing other unnecessary and unrealistic points.
“What next? THEY WANT UNISEX TOILETS?! WHAT”
Why are people so afraid of treating other people like other human beings?
If they identify with a certain pronoun or name, why can’t we just change the way we call them? It’s not like it takes a lot of time and energy. It’s just sometimes difficult to change old habits, but old habits can be changed despite what old people think. And if you call someone by their past names accidentally, just apologise and move forward. I’ve honestly never seen someone flip the fuck out when someone accidentally calls them the wrong name or pronoun. They just respectfully correct you, or sometimes they just ignore it. So why get outraged?
Why is it so hard for people to respect other people’s sense of identity?
As I’m now 26 years old I still have a lot of people in my life that don’t know my actual last name until they see my ID or my name card. They will be really surprised and ask me why I used a Chinese surname. I would say:
“Firstly, it is my Chinese surname. And if this country wasn’t so Islamic, this would be my actual last name. Secondly, look at me. I’m drinking this beer. Do you think I want to be questioned about my race, my religion, my belief as I’m sipping on this delicious malt beer? I have tattoos all over too, do you think I want people to pry into my private and personal life? Thirdly, I identify more with this name than I do with my official name. So what’s the problem?”
And they’d just shut up.
And if this is just a simple thing that has annoyed some parts of my life, can you imagine what it’s like to be a trans person? People questioning your identity every single fucking day.
What is so difficult about respecting another person’s identity?
What’s so difficult about changing your everyday habits of calling someone a ‘he’ to a ‘she’? What’s so difficult about calling Susanne ‘Shaun’?
Why do we constantly question someone’s identity as if it’s hurting ours?
Most of all, why do we have to be such dicks? Just call them what they want to be called. After all…
“ What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”
